it's halloween baby.

but, dang, i can't go to any party. how sad is that?

i was so looking forward to halloween. :(

chem pract today. and man, was i careless. i didn't see one page and forgot to divide another answer by two. there goes at least six marks out the window. and, you know what? i don't even know what the QA is all about. there's nothing much to conclude, so yeah.

anyways, today we celebrated caleen's birthday at parkway. and, please, NEVER eat at jack's place again. torture. bad service, bad food.

anyways, what's with you guys ragging bout those damn boys. i GET IT already okay? mistake! mistake! i know. well, at least you learn from your mistakes. right? anyways, firstly it was so damn short. secondly, i still can't get over that fact. i know you guys can't too. but, man, what was i thinking. slap me the next time i make such a terribly huge mistake.

anyways, apart from some of you who are gonna be disgusted, jac and i found another thing different from us, females, to males. suck//lick. this came around while eating chips to get past the time in quarantine.

anyways, please enlighten us girls, why the hell is it called blowjobs?

a person who would like to remain anonymous claims that he knows friends who do them and the actually literally blow, as in "cui". HAHA. and i was like what?

anyways, i keep going to xuan's house for dinner. at this rate, i'm gonna gain tonnes of weight. she's influencing me to eating bad, unhealthy and fattening foods.

minestrone and souffle. partone.

well, today's physics pract is one load of bull. very irritating too. they wanna make people blind i tell you! haha. okay enough of rubbish. and, the quarantine was way worse. was stuck in the cold library freezing my arse off, away from civilisation, no mpthree allowed with no food and water. wasting time.

anyways, went to mos burger to have a late lunch with the fourexpressb people and licia. they are nuts, i tell you. spending five to seven hundred on their suits. what? okay, maybe i should not say so much. but, anyways, had fun. tonnes of nonsense. haha.

then went to study! so much fun. ((:

after that went parading at parkway [no pun intended, it just came out that way, i swear] with caleen. passed by some real nonsensical stuff. pictures another time cause blogger photo uploading is currently whacked.

-

i think it's useless to waste so much time on you and bearing everything to you only for you ro revert back to your old ways. i can't take that much. i know it's no use crying, but even the slightest thing you say, breaks my heart. that one phrase. and, you know what? you don't know me; you have no right to judge me. onemillionandone. please no more.

-

there you go. one update coming right up.

GRADUATIONtwothousandandsix.

warning: MAJOR PHOTOBLOG. well, tonnes of words too actually. haha.

well, graduation was a tad bit corny. the only thing missing was that they did not play the graduation song by vitamin c. it would be a full blown cornfest then; and i would run to the nearest exit. haha.

anyways, tonnes of tears, laughters, com whorage, etc. it was as tho we wouldn't see each other ever again! haha. anyways, miss chua was bawling and her gift was so thoughtful and ingenius. i almost felt bad for all the stuff i said bout her. but, i can't say that they aren't true. haha. okay, i even apologized to her OKAY?

and, my testimonial SUCKED ARSE. it was as tho she had no choice but to write a testimonial, as tho she had no choice, it was her responsibility.

okay, digressing.

anyways. more or less, it was fun. ((:

and, i can't believe this, JAC CRIED? unbelievable. okay. maybe it has been a trying and emotional time for her, but, okay. i shall just shut up.

so, here are the photos.

since it was wrong to break tradition, caleen and i came to school late, as usual. but, we had perks. haha. no more detention and running. haha. we came at bout eightfifteen or so.

was so not in a taking photo mood.

then, as you know, it was off to the toilet, where we coincidentally met the rest of the girls. haha. and caleen, suddenly wanted to be in the centre of attention. she kept sqeezing her way thru.

in the hall.

i will miss both of you dearly. camping out in the girls' room and all that crazy stuffs.

always; you, me and you. forever and forevermore ((:

where all the festivities were. and miss chua was giving me an evil look on stage when i was collecting my stuffs from her, for wearing my studs, and i gave her back a very huge, wide fake, icy smile. it came so naturally. bite me.

it was all out boring and redundant after that. all the award ceremony and stuff. and all the talking and doing those stupid stuffs came about. haha.

after the whole process, we stayed in school to chat and take loads of pictures as well as signing shirts. i still have not gotten all you signatures. i'm waiting. ((:

the pictures with miss chua.

i'll miss you jacky, and all our crazed arsed conversations. and to you xiyang, those naughty stuffs and conversations.

the fourexpressa girls. through all those times and bitching. all resolved at last. thankfully. i treasure everything we have and had. love you guys.

remember, you got my temperature rising like what? EL NIN-YO. and, of course, QUANTALAMELAH. haha.

the hot and the sexy. hurhur.

the fourEB people.

martin and meiwen, the one who asked who wanted to take pictures with her. *shakeshead*

tho, we've only became closer this year; it was all fun and good. ((:

then, it was off to the girls' room to freshen up before going off to parkway. and, of course, we started to goof around.

constipation. [remake of the brewery excursion.]

all tangled up.

more pictures outside the staff room with squished mrslim.

sorry for the miniscule shots. too many pictures, i had to make space.

after that, it was off to parkway for lunch at treats, and then to cineleisure to celebrate huiling's birthday. we caught me you and dupree, which i slept for the first hour cause i was so tired and on the way home, i almost fell off the seat on the bus cause i was drifting off [i blame you for not allowing me to sleep until 5am, with only an hour to sleeo. hurhur.]. not to mention i was sucking in unclean air [as if the haze wan't bad enough], had my personal space violated and had this lady's work case jabbing into my tummy everytime the bus jerked. so much fun! ((:

anyways, i've gotta get down to business right now. i need a study partner. anyone volunteer? and whoever has SS class back in school, please inform me, so that i can tag along. thanks! ((:

today, is a very sinful day. tonnes of good, scrumption food. fong lontong to rice wine chicke to braised duck etc. and with icecream as desert. i feel very. very unhealthy. and gross. haha.

anyways, goodbye broadrick. so much memories.

with all the love in the world,

manda.

i want.

i want these fantastic pair of shoes.

christian louboutin.

four inches of red soled goodness.

and this dress.

versace spring/summer 2006

and then, maybe i will go to prom. ((:

-

macs breakfast yesteday was fun. ((:
it's been a long time since we went out as a bunch. tonnes of chatter and laughters.
fun.

and, who could forget the

HOT AND SEXY CLUB.

haha.

and that damn o'level briefing was absolutely redundant.

there, an update.

what i want for christmas.

you know the thing where i said i wanted bigger boobs for christmas?

it was a JOKE.

please. i don't even think it's even humanly possible for me to get bigger boobs. well, maybe it's possible. but, anyways, i don't think i can possibly handle the extra weight and most probably wouldn't be able to balance and fall flat on my face. and, can you imagine the toll it will have on my back? hmm, maybe it's tone my back muscles. but, anyways the whole point is that, i'm NOT wanting bigger boobs for a christmas present. i thought you people saw the joke in it. dang, some of you are just really dense aren't ya?

hmm, no offence tho.

-

tomorrow's bio pract.

sense my joy?

hopefully it's not like the dumb practical i had for prelims. i have no patience for that. can you imagine? using a dropper to drop a tota of five hundred separate drops? frustrating.

anyways, off to cram. ((:

cheesecake.

went to the library today to meet the girls this late afternoon.

had loads of fun.

haven't seen them in a week cause of not going to school. but, anyways, good news is that i'm off to school tomorrow. and well, mrs rajah jolly well better show up, or else i'll be wasting another day in school. well, the main reason for going to school tomorrow is so that my parents would get off my case as well as so that i can get my allowance. haha.

anyways, after i got home lost my appetite and went straight to baking my non-bake cheesecake. just for kicks. and, somehow i manage to cut my finger and graze my hand while cutting the butter and it won't stop bleeding. damnit. and the stupid irony is that right after my mother was told me to be careful not to cut myself, i cut my finger. wth. and, it bled through the plaster. dang cool. haha. and no, i'm not depressed or psychotic in any way.

and, i seriously cannot stand my mobile. it's on the fritz again. i need a new phone!

anyone mind getting me one?

i want the motorola krzr K1.

i promise i'll treat you real nice. ((:

anyways, gtg, see how the cake's doing. ((:

i can't believe it!

the concert that i have been looking forward to has been cancelled.

wth.

i really wanted to go to the robbie williams concert, my uncle even bought the tickets already!

dang man. very disappointed.

and i was soooo looking forward to it.

plus, since the o's is so near, i can't go to the halloween party.

another disappointing blow.

ignore my rants.

just very pissed.

i officially have no life.

lantern's festival.

oh wells, yesterday night was great fun. yeah honey? the only thing that spoilt the whole evening was that it was so bloody hazy and windy, which made my eyes real dry, and left me freezing. and, i forgot to bring my lighter and had to use those fiftycent lousy lighters. and since xuan has no experience whatsoever in how use light a candle or actually using a lighter, i had to do all the dirty work and have a bloody blister on my thumb from all the wasted efforts of getting the lighter to work.

and the lady selling the stuffs cheat our money! haha.

as cheesy as it sounds, it was definitely a night to remember, the secrets we shared, crappy conversations, comparing which lantern looks hotter [?], sharing and feeding food to one another, and I swear, I gained like fifty pounds, cam whoring, et cetra. Anyways, none the less, it was fun, all that laughing, i guess, we really needed that time out together;

and, yes we should pick cuter kids to play with instead.

And, the people at ecp are surprisingly very cold and unfriendly. And, they didn’t have that “lantern’s festival mood”, right hunns? And, I swear, I think those people sitting around us during dinner and that talk, must have thought we were together.

And xuan, it was so not fun right? With you hunns, definitely not fun. ((:
But anything would be great when you’ve gone MIA for three months. I missed you like crazy.

and, xuan, you have no childhood. ((:
ooh, how I hate the haze. It’s so bad. The PSI is like 142 now, and, the air is so impure and it’s as though you’re high up in the mountains where it’s foggy. and when the sun hits the ground, it's has a funny darker orangier colour than usual. it's that bad! Damn Indonesia and all their forest fires. i’m getting headaches from all the haze. Very unhealthy. It’s no wonder instead of feeling good after my runs, i feel like shite.

-

and, thanks mama, for slaving in the kitchen making nasi lemak for me just cause i didn't get to eat yesterday. i ate my full and i'm absolutely bloated right now. ((:

-

just notice alot of "ands'" in this post. please pardon me.

-

pictures when that anorexic bitch sends them to me.

and darl, you're scaring me. with all that "don't eat" post its.

take care.

and, no, it's not a sin to eat.

oh yeah, you needn't burn those photos. i look dang cute in them. hurhur.

i was missing out for far too long.

just back from a run.

just what i needed.

too tired to actually feel anything.

the icy wind biting my flesh,

the good old burn in the legs and adomen,

your heart pounding so fast it seems it would just burst.

it's just what i needed.

-

hmm, of all things random.

thirteen.

this would be the last.
the last time you'll ever haunt me again. the last time i'll think of this. the very last time. you'll be erased, never to be seen, heard or remembered. it'll never stand in the way of me moving on.you can't hunt me down anymore, it can't haunt me anymore. it will not affect me ever again. it'll not slow me down. no, never ever. not anymore.

i've changed, i'm not that person anymore, so just get lost.

i know that this is part of who i am, and, i can't turn back time and change what happened.

but for the first time, i'm dealing with it, and i'm not running away, not anymore.

so goodbye and good riddance.




i want the the time when i was oblivious to almost everything. ignorance is bliss. right?

but, why is it sometimes, it's just so hard to escape the past?

-

anyways, i thankyou, tho, you have no idea how screwed up i actually am. you don't even know the half of it. barely there. but, thanks none the less.

my darlings, i miss you so much.

you know, xuan my that zara hoodie is still with your cousin; i really need it back. ((:

and my sweater is still with sek. it has been bloody three years.i should just give it to her.

i love you guys so damn much.

simplicity.

i have absolutely no idea what's wrong with me. i'm going positively bonkers.

okay, anyways, today, we went off to study at singapore post with natalin, huiling and caleen. had loads of fun, and actually managed to do a few sums. key word on few. haha. anyways, we talked a whole lot of bull, as expected, and had a great time wondering through the pasar malam [i'm not too sure how malam is spelt] scouring for food for the girls. speaking of food, i feel like such a glutton today, i really need to get back to my running, i feel like such a fat slob all of a sudden. and i've become very lazy.

anyways, this past week, okay, last week in fact, i've been doing tonnes if thinking, reminiscing, et cetra et cetra. i remembered this one time, when i was about five or six years old, and man, don't i wish to be a kid all over again, simpler times. well this particular night, it was my aunt's house warming, and, well, the pastor gave us some holywater to bless the house. and well, being that young, i drew crosses with my holywater drenched fingeron the cupboards and under the beds. anyways, the significance of "tale" is that, when we were i was [okay, i don't know bout the rest of ya'll], the only demons we had to face were the make-belief ones, the boogeyman, those pesky monsters under the bed, in the closet, whatever, and all you had to do was just crawl into bed with your parents or for me, my grandparents, and you would know that everything would be fine then, cause your superheros were there, always there to save your world. my grandparents, my mama [grandmother] to be exact. all i had to do is just crash in their room, whether on the lumpy old couch or the cold floor, i somehow manage to fall asleep almost instantly. those demons, insecurities caould be easily dealt with and be gone. well, even now at times, tho those problems can't go away overnight. but, now those superheros, my parents that is, aren't there to save the day anymore. their out having... i don't know.. living their own lives; and you're left there to fend for yourself, cold and alone.

anyways, i was digging, and i found some really rad photos of my elder brother, he was so bloody cute then...

from this..

--look at my mom's hair!

to this..

--which is still not half bad.. well, except for that first picture

and to THIS!


all i can say is:
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

hurhur.

he is super muttish now. somehow. tho, sometimes kinda okay. haha.

rambling now. sorry..